This is an excellent question that doesn’t have a simple answer. Different theories of counselling have different thoughts; behaviourists will say that change starts with action. Act as if you already have the qualities you desire, and the changes will come. Cognitive therapists will tell you: change your thoughts first, and your feelings and action will follow. On the other hand, emotionally focused therapies focus on changing emotions to break behaviour patterns and change negative thoughts.

This may seem very confusing, but actually, all roads lead to the same destination. I believe that change can happen in many different forms. It´s only a matter of personal choice and the most pressing issues.

For example, if you’re struggling with some form of addiction that is impairing your life and affecting those around you, the most important thing would be to focus on stopping or at least managing the problem behaviour. After we have the compulsive behaviour under control and understand where the action and our negative beliefs come from, it might be time to focus on changing those deeply engrained self-defeating beliefs about ourselves and the world.

Healing emotional wounds is an endeavour that requires effort and commitment. It can sometimes be downright painful. It may even affect our relationships in ways that we couldn’t foresee going into the process. For those that choose to go through with this enterprise, often the benefits outweigh the sacrifices.

Terra Counselling

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