I came across a phrase recently that stayed with me in a quiet but persistent way:

“Go be your favorite self.”

Not your highest self.
Not your best self.
Not the version of you who has finally healed, optimized, regulated, or figured it all out.

Your favorite.

As a therapist, I see how deeply many of us have internalized the belief that growth must be earned through effort, discipline, or self-correction. Even our language around healing – do the work, push through, be better – can quietly turn into pressure.

But favorite changes the tone entirely.

Favorite is chosen, not achieved.
Favorite implies affection rather than performance.
Favorite leaves room for being human.

When I slow down and imagine my own favorite version of myself, she doesn’t look impressive.

She isn’t especially productive.

She hasn’t resolved every wound or mastered every coping strategy.

She’s simply the version of me I can live with – and even like – right now.

She moves at a pace her nervous system can tolerate.

She rests without negotiating with guilt.

She sets boundaries without over-explaining.

She speaks to herself with more curiosity than criticism.

There is a lot of grace in that.

From a trauma-informed counselling perspective, this matters deeply.

Healing does not happen through pressure or self-surveillance.

The nervous system heals through felt safety, consistency, and compassion.

Research in trauma therapy, attachment theory, and somatic psychology consistently shows that lasting change occurs when people feel safe enough to stay present with themselves – not when they are trying to override or fix themselves (you can see studies here and here).

Many people begin therapy believing the goal is to become someone else – calmer, stronger, less reactive, more confident. But in our practice what we often discover together is something quieter and more sustainable:

Healing is about learning to stay with yourself, especially in moments when you would normally abandon or judge yourself.

So as we step into 2026, I’m not asking:

How can I be better this year?

I’m asking:

Who is the version of me I can genuinely care for right now, in this moment?

Maybe she’s slower.

Maybe she’s more tired.

Maybe she needs more support than she thought she would.

Maybe she’s still learning how to trust her own voice.

That version is allowed.

Choosing your favorite self creates room for regulation instead of self-rejection.

It makes space for rest, for cycles, for setbacks.

It aligns with what we know from trauma therapy, somatic counselling, and attachment-based work: change happens when the system feels safe enough to soften.

You don’t need to abandon who you are today in order to grow.

Growth can be relational.

It can be kind.

It can feel like companionship instead of correction.

So this year – without urgency, without force –
go be your favorite self.

Not forever.

Just for today.