We live in a world of extreme competition. There’s a constant pressure for achievement, and we are always being threatened with losing our jobs or income. At the same time, there’s this immense pressure to be happy and positive all the time. Just writing this, I feel pressure in my chest. It’s daunting, life can seem unbearable, and you might ask yourself, what’s the point of all this? How can I manage?
What I have found is the most helpful is developing self-compassion.
It can seem scary. There’s a part of me that thinks that I’ll become soft and lenient with my shortcomings if I’m too self-compassionate. Or that Self-compassion is just an excuse to not do anything to not take action.
The truth is that Self Compassion is the opposite. Self-compassion is about acknowledging that life is sometimes hard. It’s about not beating myself up for not having the life I think I should have. You might be reading this and thinking: that sounds like a lame-ass excuse to not try harder, to not do better. But let me explain.
Imagine these two scenarios:
Person A goes out into the world and gives it his or her best, and for whatever reason, they don’t achieve what they wanted. Then they go back home feeling defeated and are met by this colossal person that doesn’t even acknowledge their efforts or listen to their struggles. It tells them just try harder with a deep and scary voice; why can’t you do anything right? You just have to try harder; you’re not good enough; you’re just a lazy bum. (This is your inner critic)
Person B goes out into the world and gives it their best and still doesn’t achieve what they wanted. Then they go back home feeling defeated and are met with a loving person with a soft and warm voice that acknowledges their efforts, that listens to their struggles. This voice reminds them they are safe and secure. That it’s OK. It validates how they are feeling. (This is self-compassion)
Now reading these two hypothetical scenarios, which person would you say is more likely to go back into the world and try again? Which one do you think is more resilient?
Now imagine that you can develop this inner compassionate voice that can reassure you, accept you just the way you are, shortcomings and all.
How would your life be different?
Terra Counselling
Photo: Anup Phanti on Pexels
That’s a very interesting topic worth reading.